Keto

The Keto diet is damn weird. Efficient, no doubt. Pragmatic? Maybe. Depends on your surroundings, and who you interact with, and what sort of food you’ve got access to, and what your income is. If you’re still a kid and you live with your parents and your ability to Keto-ify yourself is channeled through quite-possibly-brittle-minded middle-aged people who won’t be too happy about you prodding their own insecurities about dieting and exercise and weight, well then, good fucking luck with that is all I can say.

It’s quite incredibly damn interesting watching the reactions of people who, for their entire lives, have been taught, by let’s face it, the scientific establishment and quite well-regarded nutritional bodies hurr hurr, that fat = bad, carbs = good, protein = go for it, now for the first time get told that, hey, I eat 60% fat! Ehrmergerd, they squeal, don’t you know that’s bad? Artery-clogging? Heart disease? And it’s mostly fun but a bit conflicting discussing such things.

First up, it’s a bit squeamish having to face the fact that Science, the body of knowledge I’ve so enjoyed following for most of my life, the Scientific Establishment, may well have got this entire field of nutrition so wrong. How? Was early ‘80s science politicised in some way? It’s quite possible, but saying to my friends “Um yes but it’s all political!” “Eh? The Food Pyramid the work of politicals? Have you any evidence?” “Uh.” doesn’t sit well with me. Yeah. I would need more evidence.

Second. Demonstrating on my own terms that a high-fat diet is in fact a good thing. Pointing to the example of Eskimos, chomping down on whale blubber for month after month, ain’t half bad, although I haven’t actually done that yet. Might be an idea.

But it’s not all that difficult - the only diet source I’ve come across, the only “alternative”, “fringe” one, the Spartan Health Regime, that advocates eating shitloads of fruit, even its source, Anthony Bova, recommends a shitload of fat too, for its ability to help us assimilate fat-soluble vitamins. I don’t know what his views on the Keto diet specifically are, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he considered it impressive and edgy and gnarly.

The evidence on /r/keto ain’t too shabbby, as is Steve Gibson’s anecdotal account also - a few days of keto flu, then easy weight loss. The stuff just melts off. I’m at my lightest for the last, what, eight years? And I can still Pinch Quite A Bit More Than An Inch. That body fat test I had way back at Sportswide, it estimated that shorn of fat, I’d weigh 76kg. 76. From memory, that’s what I weighed in the summer of 2003/04, and even then, I was still a bit chubby. Just how much can I lose? Quite a bit, apparently :) Although, although, I’ll have quite a bit more muscle on me now than I did then. We’ll see.

The problem is, the Keto diet is damn brittle. Once you’re adapted, fantastic, weight begone, but a single bread slice and you’re kaput for days. Ugh. Additionally, do it really strictly and you can lose a pound a day, but holy shit concentration health ugh blah. You can’t work. You can’t think.

The cure’s simple. Patience! Life is long! My current moderate fat levels are hardly debilitating. I can afford to go the easier route, lose only 2-300g a day, and take the scenic route. I’ll get lean in no time.

It’s frustrating though! When did I last have a flat stomach? Six? Seven? How many times did I proudly proclaim to all who listened, “I’m putting on weight!” Ah, youth, such naivety. Fish and chips were damn tasty then and they’re damn tasty now. It’s just that I’ve got a little more of an idea about their effects. Their repercussions. Sucks! But eh, what can you do. Eat ‘em sparingly, that’s you can fucking do. And done! 101.8kg at my heaviest. Just look at me now.

The Keto diet can be damn frustrating at times. Not because Keto-friendly foods aren’t damn yummy. They are. I love ‘em. Well. Most of ‘em. My boiled vege/meat/butter concoctions could be a hell of a lot worse, but they could be a hell of a lot better too. And almond pizza! Now what’s going on there, eh? Cheese too. Most of what I read on /keto says Yes! Go nuts! It’s scrummy and delectable and holy shit chomp down eat ‘till you’re satisfied. I do. I did. And the result? Gain. Rrr. That’s what Layne discovered too when he tried his bacon experiments. Eat these diets that their authors claim you can stuff yourself, eat what you like - but noooo, try that in practice and clearly You Can Not. Hmph.

Ah well. It’s a little ambiguous sometimes. Just claiming “No calorie counting!” is a little different from explicitly claiming that you may stuff yourself until you explode and no side effects. I pity the poor people who among their dietary plans include things like pasta. Holy crap. Yes pasta’s yummy, but the cravings! The hunger pangs! I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a pasta meal that when I’d made more than I could eat in one go, didn’t stop eating until my stomach physically hurt. That shit ain’t cool. Compare this, on the other hand, to the boiled vegemeatbutter slurry. I eat a fistful and bam, that’s me done for the next three hours. I’m not physically full, but my instincts say Stop. You’ve Had Enough. You Are Satisfied.

And the running! My endurance has doubled. Incredible Keto-related evidence just keeps showing up in front of me about how more efficient fat-fuelled running is. I’m permanently beyond the wall. but my biochesmistry has adapted to it! Every run burns fat directly! Not bad, eh? The only bottleneck now is simply getting quite a bit fitter than I’ve been in the past - all the better for a three-hour run every weekend. Let’s grind those miles down and melt that fat off.